Source: facebook.com/DRILebanon
While surfing Facebook few days ago, I came across the hashtag #متلي_متلك (Metle Metlak) or “I’m like you” under a series of videos presenting a number of ladies encouraging people to vote for female candidates in the coming parliamentary elections. At first sight, one might see it as a positive step, but it doesn’t really seem enough. Why is such campaign not as effective as it should be? Why is “Metle Metlak” a misplaced argument that doesn’t really serve its purpose?
I found the answer to these questions as I was heading to one of the supermarkets, and saw a slogan sitting on the billboard there. Part of it says: كوني قديرة وبمشاويرك وفّيرة (be capable enough to save money). I recalled the number of times I heard people talking about “capable” women known for their abilities to work, raise kids, take care of the house chores and effectively manage the family’s finances. Then, I came across the campaign behind that slogan on social media: a man playing online games while his wife is thinking about the hassle of running errands. He ends up telling her that his mum has been always “capable” for she knew how to save money. Funny, isn’t it? Not really! Actually, what’s funny is that such message did not result in any negative reaction. Why? Because “capable” women in our society are the ones who manage their families’ finances that men provide. It’s simply an already existing model in the minds of the Lebanese people.
Media have been among the biggest contributors to the assignment of gender roles. A commercial running on tv at the moment shows members of a family telling the father what they need to buy. A little boy wants running shoes, his sister needs new clothes and the mother wants to get groceries. Why is it that media keep presenting this image of the father who is in charge of providing financial means? More women in Lebanon are now financially independent and they have their own jobs. Why isn’t it acceptable that a woman could be the provider or that both of them could?
Because language activates certain frames in our brain, we can only understand what our brain allows us to understand. We are likely to refuse anything we hear or read if it doesn’t conform with the view that we have about the world. The frame that is drawn in a man’s mind makes it difficult to accept what lies outside of it. Therefore, how do you expect a man to accept you saying you’re like him when he was assigned the role of providing security and stability for his family? How do you expect him to accept you saying you’re like him when he unconsciously thinks that you’re not?
Wanting a gender-biased society to trust our ability to run a country is a wishful thinking, especially when it is convinced that our role is to run our own houses. The solution lies in reframing, which means changing how people perceive the role of women, and to do so, a new language and new means are highly needed. If we, women, want to be recognized as active members of the society, we need to change our discourse because thinking differently requires speaking differently and using the right techniques. Unfortunately, “Metle Metlak” is not one of those techniques…